FGM/braces response

I received some interesting comments regarding my last post. I want to emphasize that there remains a HUGE difference between FGM and braces. I was just trying to illustrate that there are potentially more similarities than we might like to admit. The most compelling argument I received was that FGM “prevents women from truly knowing and enjoying the pleasures of the sexual act.” I love this argument and could not agree more. However, it too comes from such a foreign perspective.

This is a country where the price of a sexual act is about equivalent to that of beer ($1.50). A place where being lesbian or gay is illegal (not quite at the level of Uganda, where it is punishable by death, but I think that is more a reflection of lack of established laws and ability to enforce than progressive attitudes). Child fostering, the placement of rural children with urban families in order to further their education and “provide a better life” is also common. This is often horribly abused, as children become domestic slaves, as is the case with the majority of my clients. Less than 2% of population use any scientifically proven form of birth control, rather a string around the waist suffices to prevent pregnancy. Polygamy is common and accepted. Just last week I had a conversation with my driver where he asked me, “why you Americans not believe in polygamy?” He went on to explain that it was basically a way for a wealthy man to distribute his wealth and take care of many women giving them and their children opportunities they would not have. “How is this wrong?” he asked. “One person can have enough to share, not so?” (“Not so” is the rhetorical statement everyone uses here when it is glaringly obvious that what was just said is correct and to challenge it would be crazy.) Still I attempted to dispute it and explain about love, commitment being faithful, fulfillment for the man and WOMAN. This “pleasure” argument was countered by his commenting on our high divorce rates and inquiring, “are you really happier?”

I love the “pleasure” argument and agree whole-heartily but don’t imagine it swaying many people here. Regardless and perhaps thankfully, it is not my role to do so. While internally I am stuck grappling with these issues, my work is much simpler. Counselors are not meant to impart our own opinions on clients. We will leave that work for politicians, religious zealots and foreign developers. We listen, reflect back and help the clients work through what THEY identify as their challenges/problems. Counselors offer empathic support and care not opinions or personal agenda.