A go si bak (Goodbye)

In the past saying goodbyes and terminating with clients have been challenging for me. Clients often cry and I have often felt emotionally torn and truly saddened. It seems that there is always more to be done and often there is an explicit call for more, making me feel inadequate for not accomplishing it before, as well as for not continuing and finishing it. For this reason I have been dreading the end of my first group. I expected to feel sad but surprisingly I did not. I am struggling to articulate just how I felt. Ambivalent is not the right word. I was disappointed to have the group end but also ready. I had no feelings of devastation and no desire to continue.

On reflection, numerous possibilities for this sentiment come to mind. Perhaps I am cold, have become hardened by doing this type of work and no longer get as invested or attached to my clients. This is not an explanation I am keen to believe. Or maybe the difference can be attributed to the obvious cultural and linguistic barriers present. Everything is more fluid in this culture. There is not even a proper word for goodbye, rather the exact translation for the Krio phrase "A go si bak" is "I will see you again." While I cannot deny that this could be part of the explanation, I am confident in saying that it was neither the complete nor majority explanation.

More likely, I believe that it can be attributed to the style and emphasis of group work that directs its energy towards group cohesion, placing the emphasis on group members not the therapeutic relationship between client and counselor. This in effect decreases the reliance and even dependence on the counselor. Evidence of this, and in my opinion our success, comes in the fact that the girls appeared to share my sentiments on termination, appearing slightly forlorn but more self-confident and ready to move forward. The girls have created strong bonds among themselves and developed a plan to continue seeing and supporting one another. Today was not to say goodbye to their friends and new support network, it was to say goodbye to the leaders they no longer needed. Focusing on and encouraging the continuation of that relationship and the hope that it brings was an easy and enjoyable substitute from the sadness.

On a sweet side note, the girls presented us with a small gift, a homemade card and a framed thank you poster. These girls have nothing by our Western standards, yet still, they pooled their resources to give us a thank you and show how much the group meant. The gesture was truly moving and touched my heart. It was clear that it meant a lot to them, as they glowed with pride and formally presented it to us. For me it was a sign of their unity and a reclaiming of their dignity and value. I felt as I imagine a proud parent feels seeing their children all grown up and handling things gracefully with maturity beyond their years. I was even more honored afterward when I found out that no group has ever done this in the 9-year history of CVT in Sierra Leone!